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Joke of the Day/Week/Year


Maximus
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So, after you've let the fox loose in the henhouse and there's shite 'n feathers all over the place, you think the solution is to ask the fox to reconsider his behaviour.

That's the joke of a Prime Minister we have leading this country today.

Ardern asks banks to reassess record profit-making in light of cost-of-living crisis

 

MM

 

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20 hours ago, Maximus said:

So, after you've let the fox loose in the henhouse and there's shite 'n feathers all over the place, you think the solution is to ask the fox to reconsider his behaviour.

That's the joke of a Prime Minister we have leading this country today.

Ardern asks banks to reassess record profit-making in light of cost-of-living crisis

 

MM

 

Yep, quite right Max. Nothing more than a spin doctor, and as empty as a dead mans eyes.

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19 hours ago, Lightning Blue said:

Man says to Wife >>> " I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the World "

The Wife replies >>> " Well I might miss you eventually, I spose " 

Geez you kiwis are a Tough lot !! no laughs at that one yesterday then lol. must be someone there still with some humour.

Try this one then for a last crack at it lol >>>>>

The Wife goes to Newsagent and asks " Do you have any nice Get Better cards, that I could give to my husband ? "

The newsagent replies " yeah sure, and i'm sorry to here your husband is sick"

Wife says " No He's Not, ... I Just wish He was Better 😄 "

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A nun and a priest go for a hitchhike together, but get caught in a snowstorm.

Finding their way to a small isolated hut, they stagger in exhausted and tired.

Looking around the small hut they find some blankets and one small bed, so the Priest gives it to the Nun to sleep on as night falls, and he lies on a blanket on the floor. The Priest is just about to nod off when he hears the Nun call out "Im cold, can I have another blanket". The Priest duly obliges and places another blanket on her. Just about to nod off again the Priest hears the Nun call out "Im still cold , is there another blanket". Again he obliges. 

This time he is almost fast asleep, when once again the Nun calls out." Im still cold ,and I have an idea. How about we pretend we are married"

Thinking it through the Priest replys " That's a good idea , in which case you can get up and get your  own  f---ng  blanket. 

 

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The Husband Store

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells

Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to

follow the instructions at the entrance:- "You may visit this store

ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products

increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a

particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you

CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!

 

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 

These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads:

Floor 2

These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads:

Floor 3 

These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 

These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and

Help with Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 

These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with

Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted

to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 

You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this

floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to

please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

 

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a

New Wives store just across the street.

The

1st floor has wives that love sex.

The

2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The

3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

 

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Quote
Quote

 

 

Eighty year-old couple have become pretty stale in the bedroom and nothing is really doing it for them these days.

The wife decides she needs to take the lead and spice things up so she orders a slinky, skin tight superwoman suit.

It arrives a couple of weeks later so while hubby is out at the shops she shimmies her way into it and waits for his return.

When he opens the door she waits until he is inside and walking to the kitchen and leaps out in front of him and yells "Super Vagina"

He looks at her and says... I'll have the Soup please!!

 

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Cant go without a blonde joke.

A blonde gets into her new Ferrari and tears down the road at a breakneck speed. Straight away she attracts the attention of a cop on a motorbike who catches up and stops her. Noticing the officer is Blonde herself, the blonde driver asks what the matter is. " Speeding ", replies the blonde officer, "can I see your drivers licence please". 

"What does it look like ", she asks the officer.

"It is a small square /oblong card like thing in your wallet", reply's the officer, "with your picture on it."

"Oh ,says the blonde driver", and pulls out her wallet and hands the officer a compact with a mirror on it.

The officer looks at it and replies   "Oh,  I didn't realise you were a cop as well ". 

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