Smiler Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 (edited) For a bit a light entertainment, the Phantom Race Commentary for the Summer Comp (try to call it like a commentator yourself). Summer Comp Handicap R85 2000 metres $50,000 1. Off n' Gone (1) 57.5kg…………….J. Ian Viscount 5g br One Night Stand-Left Early Morning 2. Grim Reapers (4) 57.5kg………….J. Alan Hesi 5h br Dark Coated-Holding the Scythe 3. Wurzels (6) 57kg …………………..J. Pete Caffe’ 5g ch Out In The Field-Gummidge 4. Grey Way (5) 57kg ………………..J. Rex Galahad 5g gr Dark Coated-Changing Colours 5. Surf n'Turf (9) 57kg………………..J. Ramond Zor 5h br Riding a Wave-Goin To The Track 6. Mr Aybees (7) 56.5kg………………J. Craig Oss 5g br Richie’s The Man-Oval Ball 7. Yahabeebe (8) 56.5kg………………J. Howie Toofarst 6g b Cheerful- Double Bee 8. Hot Baches (3) 54kg…………………J. Maria Dancer 4m ch On The Beach-Bright Bikinis 9. Max Factor (2) 54kg………………….J. Max Rodent 4m b Brush n Spray-Looking Elegant Over to commentator Reon Haub. The field is starting to enter the gates for the Summer Comp Handicap over 2000 metres. The top weight and 5/1 favourite Off n Gone moves into barrier 1, the outsider Max Factor should be in 2, but Max Rodent hasn’t bought her to the barrier yet, however on his way from the birdcage and he’ll put the mare straight in when he arrives. I expect the stewards to have a talk with Max about his tardiness. She looks on the toe, although looks to be well presented today. Into 3 is Hot Baches, who also looks very well. Maybe she’s received similar treatment to Max Factor. Grim Reaper in 4 who lined up in the barrier before the rest of the field, is looking full of himself. Just moving into 5 is Grey Way. I remember not long ago he was quite a dark grey, but he’s almost completely white now. He looks big and bold. They’re loading quickly now with 30 seconds to go until official start time. Wursels, Mr Aybees and Yahabeebe go in to 6, 7 and 8 respectively. Going into the outside 9 gate is the 2nd favourite Surf n Turf and Max Factor has finally arrived and does go straight in. So, they’re all in and we’re waiting for the red light. A couple in the middle are a bit restless. Looks like Grim Reaper and Hot Baches next to each other. They’ve settled, and ………………the gates go back, and the starter has caught them in a great line. Who wants to lead? Grim Reaper appears to be letting the jockey Alan Hesi know, that’s where he wants to be, pulling his way forward, challenged from the outside gate by Surf n Turf and through the middle by Mr Aybees. Grey Way drops towards the back of the field, just in from of Yahabeebe, who is reefing and pulling, giving Toofarst a hard ride. Max Factor sits a length and a half at the rear. After 300 metres Grim Reaper has won that battle for the lead and now settling well, with Mr Aybees a length away and Surf N Turf still 3 wide. Dropping nicely into the trail is Off n Gone from the 1 gate, followed next on the rail by Hot Baches. Just outside her is Wursels, a length and a half to Yahabeebe who has moved in front of Grey Way, and Max Factor still looks like her mind isn’t on the job and is now tailing by 3 lengths. Turf n Surf is now outside the leader Grim Reaper, giving Mr Aybees a nice one out trail. Off n Gone is still enjoying a lovely run in the trail. Hot Baches looking good on the inner and Wursels is now throwing his head about as a flock of birds fly pass. Grey Way is on the outside and level with Yahabeebe and Max Factor looks to makeup ground on the rest. As they go down the back, Grim Reaper is still rolling along at an even pace with everyone scared to approach him. He's big and scary. Off n Gone has been given a beautiful ride by Vicecount and will be waiting patiently for the cutaway in the straight. Although here’s a big run right around the field by Max Factor with 1000 to go. She’s finally woken up and looking to sprint from last to first, but Hesi won’t have any of that on Grim Reaper, so Rodent settles for Max Factor to sit outside one off a length away. Zor has finally found cover on Surf n Turf and Maria Dancer still has Hot Baches doing no work on the fence and looking pretty 3 back (I refuse to say, “all dressed up with nowhere to go”). Yahebeebe tried to follow Max Factor up, but at the 800 is still 3 wide now in the open, with Grey Way onto his back. Mr Aybees in the all black is now locked up in the middle. Oss will be looking for a splits. That leaves Wursels relegated to the back of the field, but with the field bunching up, is only 4 lengths from the leader. Coming the bend now with just over 500 to go, this could be anyone’s race. Grim Reaper has a narrow head lead over Max Factor, although Rodent is showing her the whip and just holding at the moment. Off n Gone looks the danger in the trail, as does Hot Baches, looking for space in the straight. Turf n Surf is now under the bat and Yahabeebe is struggling, leaving space for Mr Aybees to get out. Pete Caffe’ is also looking for Wursels to warm up. Inside the 300 and Off N Gone has zoomed up the inside to challenge Grim Reaper only a head away. Hot Baches has followed through into third. Galahad gets Grey Way clear of a fading Yahabeebe, with Max Factor also fading. Mr Aybees is in the clear and Wursels now finds a gap through the middle, but its down to two at the 100, Grim Reaper and Off n Gone. Grim Reaper finds more and now draws away to beat Off n Gone by a length and a half, a beautifully judged front running ride by Hesi. Hot Baches couldn’t catch the first two, finishing in 3rd a length away after getting a good run, followed by a sustained run from Grey Way down the outside to be half a length 4th. Wursel flashed home through the middle to be next from Mr Aybees. Craid Oss will be disappointed in that after receiving all favours. He shaded Surf n Turf, who worked hard and wide early. Yahabeebe faded out as did Max Factor who ran right out of (powder?) puff after a big run at the 1000, and she was last to greet the judge by three lengths. Yes, I am biased. Let’s see how it all works out. Edited January 13, 2022 by Smiler 8 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancing Show Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 haha love it Smiler!! 🙂 That definitely put a smile on my face! 🙂 Starting smiling as soon as I saw Hot Baches was a Chestnut! 😉 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smiler Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 5 minutes ago, Dancing Show said: haha love it Smiler!! 🙂 That definitely put a smile on my face! 🙂 Starting smiling as soon as I saw Hot Baches was a Chestnut! 😉 A flashy chestnut at that!! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancing Show Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 4 minutes ago, Smiler said: A flashy chestnut at that!! haha.. oops might be leaving the bach door a little more ajar than I should! 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximus Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 11 hours ago, Lightning Blue said: Brilliant market commentary above Hesi, very well done !! But Be WARNE(d) !! The AYBEE's are BORDERing on taking the TEST of the summer comp with-in '5 days'. Not being a 'ONE-DAYk' wonder, Craigos has Tom and Jack ready for WAUGH (war) against the 'Grim' opposition this week. and Harewood is a BOON to the side. Lightning BLEW(ETT) could well be a PAINE in the side of Craigos, as is likely to get 'BOWLED OUT' and blow-it, to the mighty Reaper 'PJ' first up at 'Opening Bat". Hesi could show his BLACK-CAPS form ?? and struggle against the AYBEE"S thinking it's going like the 1st Bangladesh Cricket Test all over again?. Good Luck to all Teams in the Comp !!! and Happy PONTING to All !!! ( you know I mean punting ) Reckon the Aybees will be in DYER straits by the innings break.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximus Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 11 hours ago, Lightning Blue said: Brilliant market commentary above Hesi, very well done !! But Be WARNE(d) !! The AYBEE's are BORDERing on taking the TEST of the summer comp with-in '5 days'. Not being a 'ONE-DAYk' wonder, Craigos has Tom and Jack ready for WAUGH (war) against the 'Grim' opposition this week. and Harewood is a BOON to the side. Lightning BLEW(ETT) could well be a PAINE in the side of Craigos, as is likely to get 'BOWLED OUT' and blow-it, to the mighty Reaper 'PJ' first up at 'Opening Bat". Hesi could show his BLACK-CAPS form ?? and struggle against the AYBEE"S thinking it's going like the 1st Bangladesh Cricket Test all over again?. Good Luck to all Teams in the Comp !!! and Happy PONTING to All !!! ( you know I mean punting ) Reckon the Aybees will be in DYER straits by the innings break.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximus Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 Top job there Smiler, a great field assembled and a sensational call.. MaxFax's only concern was that you didn't notice the jockey change advised for Max Factor ...the jockey was Max Mustelid replacing his distant cousin Max Rodent, who was stood down by stewards at 9:18pm after failing to make the weight (poor eating habits) MM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightning Blue Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 12 minutes ago, Maximus said: Reckon the Aybees will be in DYER straits by the innings break.... The 'Grim Reapers' will be looking to break their duck , but their icon is a BADman.💀 MeanWhile the 'AyBee's ' will be smacking runs on the board, just like the great 'Don' BRADman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 5 hours ago, Maximus said: Top job there Smiler, a great field assembled and a sensational call.. MaxFax's only concern was that you didn't notice the jockey change advised for Max Factor ...the jockey was Max Mustelid replacing his distant cousin Max Rodent, who was stood down by stewards at 9:18pm after failing to make the weight (poor eating habits) MM You sure he hadn't been sniffing 'powder'? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double R Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 (edited) 10 hours ago, Maximus said: Top job there Smiler, a great field assembled and a sensational call.. MaxFax's only concern was that you didn't notice the jockey change advised for Max Factor ...the jockey was Max Mustelid replacing his distant cousin Max Rodent, who was stood down by stewards at 9:18pm after failing to make the weight (poor eating habits) MM I am sure Max will know the best part of the track to head too. It is known as CHANEL 5. Edited January 13, 2022 by Double R 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double R Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 10 hours ago, Maximus said: Top job there Smiler, a great field assembled and a sensational call.. MaxFax's only concern was that you didn't notice the jockey change advised for Max Factor ...the jockey was Max Mustelid replacing his distant cousin Max Rodent, who was stood down by stewards at 9:18pm after failing to make the weight (poor eating habits) MM A suggested replacement rider, Max. I know she can be a headache at times with her erratic decisions, but how about considering, PANA DOL? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximus Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Double R said: A suggested replacement rider, Max. I know she can be a headache at times with her erratic decisions, but how about considering, PANA DOL? actually had her booked for the ride, mate, but her Visa was suddenly cancelled and she's been deported on account of her No Vax stance . What a balls-up, just one headache after another. Poor Max. Edited January 13, 2022 by Maximus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double R Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 1 minute ago, Maximus said: actually had her booked for the ride, mate, but her Visa was suddenly cancelled and she's been deported on account of her No Vax stance . What a balls-up, just one headache after another. Poor Max. I understand VAL E UM. PAN'S sister was able to come, as she was double WAXED. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hesi Posted January 13, 2022 Author Share Posted January 13, 2022 Did someone say that they thought the banter was starting to tail off in these comps. That's right, it was you PJ, wash your mouth out with soap lol. I can see Howie and Maxi are going to have at least another half dozen adversaries for the longest post, which at the moment belongs to Smiler 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 49 minutes ago, Double R said: I understand VAL E UM. PAN'S sister was able to come, as she was double WAXED. I've heard Al Kohol is available any time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double R Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 6 minutes ago, pete said: I've heard Al Kohol is available any time. AL'S sister, SALLY BRATION, is also available, Pete. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midnight Caller Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 2 hours ago, pete said: I've heard Al Kohol is available any time. The Wurzels have it covered , with barrels of Somerset Gold at their disposal Pete.😁 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Globederby19 Posted January 14, 2022 Share Posted January 14, 2022 10 hours ago, pete said: I've heard Al Kohol is available any time. I have some Chinese jockeys on standby courtesy of their father Mr Ting. His Son FAR and his daughter ROO. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete Posted January 14, 2022 Share Posted January 14, 2022 2 minutes ago, Globederby19 said: I have some Chinese jockeys on standby courtesy of their father Mr Ting. His Son FAR and his daughter ROO. You forgot Shi. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximus Posted January 14, 2022 Share Posted January 14, 2022 crikey, if this sort of repartee can be generated about an overweight Mustelid riding a longshot, what will they write about the delightful and well-fancied Hot Baches? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayzor Posted January 14, 2022 Share Posted January 14, 2022 Third Wheel Decision Surf N Turf is happy to announce its decision for tomorrow's match-up. Yahabebees vs Wurzels Money for jam. This was the obvious match up .....until a shocking late reveal sent Surf N Turf into a tailspin. We have not one but TWO blood relatives in this match. Lordy, how can this be? Its far too early in the season to be playing Family Feud. We'll save the biff for the team one on ones. Grim Reapers vs Mr Aybees A one eyed bookmaker and his delusional commentating sidekick. As tempting as it is to play in this one, it's actually a match to be enjoyed from the sidelines. The supremely confident Grim Reapers about to meet its maker. Popcorn please! Offngone vs Hot Baches As close to a Turbo reunion as you'll get. 3 currrent Turbos, 1 ex Turbo, 2 homies and a couple of hot baches. 🔥 Forget the matchup, LET'S PARTY! Grey Ways vs Maxi$ Neither team is rated in the market....any market for that matter. But Surf N Turf looks for clues beyond the obvious. Anything to gain an advantage. It comes down to this. Maxi set his alarm for Tuesday night and he's going to set it again for tomorrow morning. We all know what that means... 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double R Posted January 14, 2022 Share Posted January 14, 2022 11 hours ago, Globederby19 said: I have some Chinese jockeys on standby courtesy of their father Mr Ting. His Son FAR and his daughter ROO. Rees, not forgetting his wife, BET. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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